From: jimbo@statsci.com (Jimbo Harris) Subject: Humorous UNIX commands (Monthly posting) Date: Mon, 15 Mar 1993 16:57:13 GMT Here is a list I compiled of UNIX commands that return witty error messages. Some of the commands don't return the same error messages, depending upon which OS you're running (ie SunOS, HP/UX, Ultrix, etc.). Have fun! If you know of any other funny UNIXisms that aren't here, please send them to jimbo@statsci.com Thanks. +------------------------------ cut here -----------------------------------+ % make fire Make: Don't know how to make fire. Stop. % why not? No match. % gotta light? No match. % !1984 1984: Event not found. # (on some systems) % How's my lovemaking? Unmatched '. % "How would you rate Bush's incompetence? Unmatched ". % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Missing ]. % [Where is my brain? Missing ]. % ^How did the sex change^ operation go? Modifier failed. % If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have? Too many ('s. % man: why did you get a divorce? man:: Too many arguments. % %blow %blow: No such job. % \(- (-: Command not found. % sh $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense no sense in pretending! $ mkdir matter; cat >matter matter: cannot create % cd /tmp % touch this; chmod 000 this % ln -s /usr/bin/touch U % U this U: cannot touch this: no write permission % rm meese-ethics rm: meese-ethics nonexistent % ar m God ar: God does not exist % make love Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. % sleep with me bad character % ^What is saccharine? Bad substitute. % drink yellow_pages yellow_pages: Is a directory %touch me %chmod 000 me %touch me touch: cannot touch me: permission denied % ar x "my love life" ar: my love life does not exist % ar x "matey, the treasure" ar: matey, the tresure does not exist % talk Gorvachev@Kremlin talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address. % talk Comrade Khruchev [Your party is not logged on] make "bottle open" make "heads or tails of all this" make love make mistake make sense man woman man -kisses dog